Valentine’s Day is almost upon us. Normally, this is the time of year you thank your lucky stars that you’re still single and not that poor schmuck frantically buying flowers and chocolates at the last minute before schlepping to an overpriced romantic dinner with his sweetheart.
But after a year of self-isolation and quarantine due to the coronavirus pandemic, you have to admit it: you’d rather have a bad, crazy, or even ugly girlfriend than spend one more night alone.
Sigh no more, gentlemen. We’re here to help you find someone special with whom to spend Feb. 14, come hell or high water. Without further ado, we present The HotNewBreak Valentine’s Day Guide to Finding a Girl (Any Girl) Just to Not Be Alone For a Day.
Cover Photo: JGI/Jamie Grill (Getty Images)
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Finding a Girl
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Post a profile everywhere.
In normal times, we’d say this looks too desperate, but there is nothing normal about quarantine. So go ahead, hit every dating app and site. The more exposure, the better.
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Start swiping.
Right, that is. Beggars cannot afford to be choosers. Make yourself available to everyone and anyone at the initial stages of dating. If you find more than one worthy contender (unlikely though that may be) you can figure out who to dump later.
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Lower your standards -- and your expectations.
As long as she is a functional adult who abides by COVID safety guidelines, she’s in. Now is not the time to reject women based on superficial traits like hair color, body shape, profession, or favorite TV show. As for where this is going? Who cares. You just need someone to kill time with until some sense of normalcy returns. You don't have to marry her.
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Do away with delivery.
You have to leave your house to meet someone. So stop getting everything delivered and start being your own TaskRabbit. Get your java fix in-person. Go to the restaurant to pick up dinner. Grocery shop for yourself. Fetch your own dry cleaning. Just make sure you wear a mask while doing so.
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Get a dog.
Dogs have to go out multiple times a day, and each pit stop is an opportunity to meet a potential partner who might just be walking by. Dogs are the ideal wingmen and instant conversation starters.
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Take public transportation everywhere.
Ditch your car to set yourself up for random run-ins on public transportation. The more people you cross paths with, the higher the chance that one of them will catch your eye – and start a conversation.
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Talk to strangers.
Dare yourself to talk to 10 women today. Yes, 10! Chances are, you’ll spark with someone and small talk will soon turn to pillow talk.
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But listen more than you talk.
Everyone could use a sympathetic ear right now, but men tend to dominate conversations whether they realize it or not. Let her rant and she’ll think it’s love.
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Advertise
Whether it's on TV, radio, or a billboard, this is the fastest and most effective way to get your name out there. And don’t forget your phone number. Just don’t be surprised if you get a few spam calls.
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Make 'yes' your new motto.
To everything and everyone. It's a rule that makes for entertaining improv and it can spice up your love life, too. When you say yes, you open yourself up to myriad possibilities. At the very least, even if things go terribly wrong, you'll have a great story to tell on your next first date.
