Dudes Are So Broke, They’re Trying to Sell Their Dicks Online (No, Really)

Desperate times call for desperate measures. As the COVID-19 pandemic continues to tank the economy, many people have found themselves trying to figure out how to make a quick buck. Donate plasma, perhaps? What about selling sperm? Or maybe, just maybe, you could try pawning your penis?

It’s not as ridiculous as it sounds. According to Mel magazine, there’s been a “tremendous spike” in Google searches of “Can you sell your penis?” and “How much can you sell your penis for?” since coronavirus came on the scene.

Screenshot: Mel Magazine

Let’s pretend we can empathize with the poor souls who are considering selling their sex organs for cash. Even if you wanted to, you can’t. The federal National Organ Transplant Act of 1984 makes it illegal to buy or sell human organs, which includes cocks. Do so anyway and you might find yourself serving five years in prison and/or shelling out up to $50K in fines.

Have some kind of burning need to donate your dick? Now that you can do – but only once you’re dead. Then, and only then, a “body broker” might be able to sell or lease (eww) your cold, flaccid member to interested parties.

“But what about the black market?” you ask. OK, fine, let’s go down that dark alley of humanity. It’s hard to put a price on a penis. The best estimate we have comes from a historical dong – that belonging to Napoleon, which raked in $3K at auction back in 1977. Peanuts, right? And that was a celebrity schlong!

In conclusion, could you sell a penis? Well, this is America, where theoretically you can do anything you put your mind to! But is it worth anything? Probably not. Your best bet for making money with your manhood is to become a sperm donor. That, or a gigolo, but prison is definitely not where you (or your penis) want to end up.

Cover Photo: Roman Didkivskyi (Getty Images)

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