The Grammys Were Last Night

I really hate to call Fergie ugly all the time, but damn. I’m surprised there are even pictures of her. If I was a photographer, I wouldn’t have held up a camera, I would have held up a mirror. Or an ax. The only way she could look less human is if she had gills or hooves.

I’m not sure about the hair, but I am sure about the body, so Scarlett Johansson could have showed up in a powdered wig or a Darth Vader Helmet and still looked pretty hot here. Some say she even looks better than I did in my tux and cape at April’s pool party in 8th grade, but let’s not get carried away here.

At this point I’m gonna go ahead and assume that Beyonce‘s bald, because she doesn’t leave the house without that lace front weave thing. Her face is pretty I guess, but her head is nothing but super glue, tacks and stuff from the bargain bin at Sally’s Beauty Supply. Awww yeahh, baby. Gotta get me some of that.

Seriously, Nelly Furtado needs a new stylist or some better friends because every time she’s hit the red carpet lately, she’s looked like this. Or worse. I can’t tell if she’s there to watch the Grammys or read people’s fortunes.

fergie-grammys

Fantasy Football Week 2 Second Guessing

Ben Tate RB - Houston

Touted as the best backup running back in football, Tate rushed for over six yards per carry in week 1 and the Texans are saying they're still going to split carries with him and Arian Foster. We all know the beast Foster is, even while recovering from an injury, so it makes sense to trust Tate as much as the Texans do -- don't leave him on your bench. I would feel comfortable having Tate in my flex spot over most guys around that tier, in any league -- especially over most WR3s.
Brian Hartline WR - Miami

He had a 1,000 yard season last year and was targeted 15 times by quarterback Ryan Tannehill in week 1 last week. Don't you dare keep him on your bench; he needs to start in every league. The Indy pass rush isn't overwhelming. The Dolphins are better than people think and their run game looked awful last week. They're going to throw and their No. one guy is Hartline.
Jared Cook TE - St. Louis

Just in case you're a manager caught sleeping, Cook is a must-start after his performance in week 1. He was targeted more than anyone on the team and quarterback Sam Bradford called it "shocking" the Titans didn't use him more in Tennessee. In case you took Cook later in your draft and you have other great tight ends on your roster, this is a reassurance that you need to fit Cook into your lineup, no matter what; put him in a flex position if you have to.
Leonard Hankerson WR - Washington

His two TDs in week one have made Hankerson an overnight fantasy fad. Sure, Redskins coach Mike Shanahan had some nice things to say about his effort and route running skills, but I'm still not sold on Hanky yet. How many stud wide receivers has Shanahan coached over the years? The Redksins are a run-first team, which includes a speedy quarterback. Pierre Garcon will get a ton of looks and Josh Morgan will still see a lot of playing time as well when the team does decide to throw it. I think it's possible we may have seen Hankerson's best game of the year already.
Michael Floyd WR - Arizona

He was targeted six times in week one against the Rams, but that was third behind Larry Fitzgerald and Andre Roberts. Rumors have been swirling all pre-season that Carson Palmer's relationship with Roberts is solid. While Floyd might still be a decent WR3 in a 10-team league, I would start guys like Roberts, Antonio Brown or James Jones over him.