Police Academy 4: Citizens on Patrol (dir. Jim Drake, 1987)
It was about the time I got to Citizens on Patrol that I began to wonder what policemen did to deserve such mockery as to have an entire series of films devoted to their foolishness. In the Police Academy films, the police force is seen as a bumbling, idiotic, ambitious group of backstabbing hacks, and indifferent pranksters. There may be an action scene at the end of each film, but where is the actual policework? Where is the thought of fighting crime, of serving and protecting? Where is the deep-seated desire to be a cop out of nobility and altruism and an innate desire to do good for the community? Heck, where are the corrupt cops, who joined to commit violence and take dirty money like in Bad Lieutenant or something? Nope. None of those characters here. No real-life version of policework. This is a cartoon alternate universe where the actual policework is handled offscreen. It’s like in ‘80s college comedies where we never see the characters in class or talking about what they’re studying. I guess it around 1987 when NWA was forming and writing “F___ Tha Police,” so it seems the lid was about to be blown off anyway.
Anyway, onto Police Academy 4.
This film has the best pedigree of any of the Police Academy films. It was directed by one Jim Drake, who has a long resume in television, most notably having directed 63 episodes of “Night Court.” I encourage you to look him up on the Internet Movie Database, and marvel over his experience. Sharon Stone was in this film as Mahoney’s love interest, and while she’s also not give too much to do, brings a very slight flavor of class to the proceedings. Colleen Camp returns for one scene, and, although she doesn’t do much, it’s a delight to see her. Some will be startled to see a teenage David Spade in this film as a skateboard punk, and most will be astonished to see a young skate legend Tony Hawk in the skate sequences. The skate scenes were directed by Stacy Peralta, a legend in his own right, and the director of Dog Town and Z-Boys.
Despite this pedigree, the film seems to run out of steam about halfway through, and there’s a clear turn from excited comedy to tired hackdom occurring right in front of you. Like any people were just going through the motions, having run out of ways to repeat the same gags again and make them seem funny.
So in this film, Lassard, now certifiably insane, has gathered his favorite class back (Guttenberg, Smith, Winslow, Ramsay, Easterbrook, Graf, Kazurinsky, Goldthwait) to announce a new recruitment program. It’s never stated explicitly in the films, but I’m guessing police recruitment has always been a problem in Insert City Name Here. His new program is called Citizens on Patrol, or COP for short, and will train ordinary citizens to essentially lurk the streets spying on people, altering the cops, and opening fire should the situation call for it. This all seems very suspect to me, but there’s little discussion of the ethics of a citizen stasi at work, or even if this will succeed.
Indeed, Lassard’s old enemies stand in direct opposition, and G.W. Bailey has returned as Capt. Harris in order to protest against this horrible new measure. Bailey is incredibly game as Harris, and delivers catchphrases and makes a fool of himself with aplomb. He is also teamed up, oddly, with Proctor, making sue the dynamic is still in place. While the jokes from these two may be painful, it’s clear they work well together.
Since we’re presumably love Lassard and his recruits, we want to see the new system be put into play with flying colors, however actually misguided it may be. Let the gags begin. Harris begins to belittle and hector Mahoney and the rest just like in the first film, but he seems to be more of a buffoon in this new film. He receives instant karma (he tells people off, accidentally wanders into a shower, and immediately gets drenched), and the pranks are beginning to tip into cruelty: Zed replaces Harris’ spray-on deodorant with mace. Mahoney glues Harris’ megaphone to his face.
Zed has a love interest in this film, played by Corinne Bohrer. There’s no real romance here, sadly. It’s just an excuse to show Goldthwait in incongruously sweet positions. Also around is Tackleberry’s brother-in-law, a septuagenarian foulmouth named Mrs. Feldman (Billie Bird), and a huge fat guy nicknamed House (6’5” 400-lb. Tab Thacker). Brian Tochi has a few scenes, and it’s actually sweet to see that he and Callahan are still having an affair which began in the last film. They repeat the same dialogue, but the relationship is there. He will also come into play in the film’s climax involving, I kid you not, a group of ninjas. Yes. Ninjas.
Anything really funny here? How about over here? Lemme see. Easterbrook is still game, and David Graf is still chewing scenery with gusto, but most of the gags kinda fall flat. There are only so many times you can chuckle at Ramsay screaming “Don’t move, dirtbag!” There is that exciting (if extraneous) skateboard sequence, and Spade and his buddy Brian Backer are caught by the police and forced into the academy. Mahoney, Jones, Tackleberry and Hightower play a great prank on those two and House by staging what looks like a voodoo resurrection. It involves a chainsaw. That’s kinda weird, I guess. It’s certainly the most notable scene in the film. The plot gets going when the citizens are finally released onto the streets, and immediately bungle an undercover fencing operation.
Third act action: Proctor accidentally releases a bunch of prisoners (!), and the COPs must unite to catch them all. There’s a chase to a hot air balloon pageant (!). Goldthwait and Kazurinsky fly a bi-plane, and bicker a lot; I suspect their bickering was supposed to be a huge comic crux, and it plays well, but isn’t always funny. The stunts for this sequence are actually spectacular, as real hot air balloons were used, and people actually bothered to dangle off of them. This is refreshing, especially in an era when stuntmen seem to be increasingly replaced with CGI avatars.
You can tell most everyone is tiring of the material. Guttenberg especially, while still a professional, is not giving nearly as much energy to his role than he did in the past. This will be his last Police Academy film.
Our next outing will be the low point of the series. But we’ll have to wait until next week for that, my friends. Be sure to tune in for the awful Police Academy 5, the final gasp thereafter, and then a bizarre returns years after the fact. Until then, stay slobby and bumbling. And try to forget that one scene from the first film wherein Harris gets his head shoved up a horse’s rear. Shudder shudder.
