Animatronic Abe Lincoln Would Be Awesome If It Weren’t So Damn Creepy

If you couldn't tell by his photo, dignity flew out the window long ago for Cory. But that just means that nothing is off limits, making him the perfect fit to write for HotNewBreak. Hobbies include: eating pizza, thinking about going for a jog today, writing memes that no one finds funny, and wondering what life would be like if he'd actually put forth the effort to make something of it 10 years ago. He also owns two other hats (not pictured).